Hello readers, who if you are still reading this blog, are more dedicated than I can express. I know, I know the 'UPDATE!'s have been mounting but I actually have arelatively good excuse (well not for last week, but that doesn't count). You see for the past week my stupid computer as for no apparent reason whatsoever, decided not to connect to the network, and therefore to the internet (I am only typing now because I have managed to steal my step-dad's assistants computer).
And before that I was in the fabulous Middle Of Nowhere (otherwise known as Waikawa) spending an exciting weekend doing absolutely nothing (aren't you jealous?), but I'm not complaining, well not about the trip anyway, I am in fact instead complaining about little brothers.
When I heard I was being given a free return ticket to Middle Of Nowhere with complimentary 3 night accomadation (spending money not included) I was rather excited, not so much because I got to go away but because it meant I got to get out of going away to Waikanae and therefore be stuck in a small out amount of space with my infuriating little brother for the entire weekend. Instead I was stuck in a small amount of space with someone else's infuritating little brother for the entire weekend.
Although I am a huge showoff, I prefer to show off in person where I can actually control what people see so I get rather agitated when I find myself written about in a way that I have no control over (it's a good thing I decided not to be an actor, either I'd be poor and destitute or on the off chance I became successful I would have a heart attack every time I saw myself in a tabloid) so for the privacy of said little brother (who really doesn't deserve it) I will not use his real name. Hmmm, I think we shall refer to the boy in question as Adolf, no maybe a little too harsh, Humphery will do.
So I turned up on Friday in my new chucks and skinny jeans, with my bags packed, completely unsuspecting as Humphery answered the door that I was, in fact being greeted by the devil child. I started to have a few suspicions in the car when, supposedly lacking space, I and Humphery's older sister who will be named Antigone just because I like the name, were showered with abuse such as 'fat' and 'bitch'. However, being the optimistic and naive thing that I am, I blithely put this aside and tried to remain hopeful that this misguided child was really a stunning little angel underneath.
Alas, night came and I was proved to be the one who was misguided. For Humphery, it seems, values sleep alot less than I do and proceeded to demontsrate this to me in the form of pokes, throwing pillows at me then stealing them, talking to me, and googling at me as if I were an animal in the zoo.
Luckily for me I had watched a philosophy video the night before about Seneca's theory for dealing with anger and extreme irritation so I was able to stay relatively sane, if a little sleep deprived. This technique also enabled me to calmly endure I number of other incidents that, for the sake of brevity, I have omitted.
And so the weekend rolled by with me getting very little of the sleep needed or (and this sadly I cannot blame on Humhpery) very little of the work I needed to do, done. But as I end this post I must share with you the conclusion I came to on the last night as I heard Humphery desperately trying to restrain from poking me and attempting in vain to lie still so as not to disturb me, I realised that perhaps the poor child is not so bad after all (wow, Seneca's theory really works) and that with time he may grow into a reasonably well functioning member of society (which is, of course, the highest aspiration we can hope for for little brothers). So i will leave you with this final message - don't hate or persecute little Humphery, he needs love and compassion to nurture him into the lovely person found deep, deep inside, just never, ever sleep in the same room as him.
You Have Been Warned.
Tuesday, 24 October 2006
Saturday, 14 October 2006
My Week In A (Rather Large) Nutshell
Hi peoples (that is not actually colloquial spelling by the way, according to the Concise Oxford Dictionary, this usage of the word means, "persons composing a community, tribe, race, nation, etc." - of course my blog reaches communities, tribes, nations, and etc.s, what do you expect?).
Well after that extremely long opening statement (most people keep them to about three words, but no, not Charli the ranter), I will now actually start talking about the topic for this post which is...drumroll please...my week. No, that's not particularly out of the ordinary and I know some may argue that it is not actually a 'topic' per se, but you see this week has been a very odd week. I have had a number of experiences that, whilst may not sound particularly exciting, actually had felt quite profound for me. Whilst I could probably right an entire I post on each of them, I decided to get my blog up to date by doing a Julia-esque counting sequence (so that everyone doesn't go to sleep), here are some random things which happened to me this week:
1) I learnt that playgrounds are extremely fun, but also extremely dangerous and put you into alot of what can only be labelled as 'compromising' positions.
2) I was actually misnamed, Charlotte's a lovely name and all, but it simply doesn't suit my personlity, instead I was destined to be called Henrietta, Henri for short (I am not claiming I particularly like this name, but you can't argue with the fates, even if your mother did). Seriously, even my middle name (Elizabeth for those who don't know) would suit me better than 'Charlotte'.
3) I have hands which give meaning to the phrase 'half octopus, half exotic flower' (this is according to Julia, but sadly I have to agree with her because this is the desciption of the very odd hands of one of Ingres' paintings, Jupiter and Thetis, and they look exactly like mine).
Thetis' hand:
My Hand:
4) Yoga is absolutely brilliant, but, like playgrounds, puts you into some very compromising positions that are also very painful but, unlike playgrounds, you get to meditate and eat free vegertarian food.
5) I am going to have African children to save them from pain of having to suffer through the childhood I had of being incredibly, incredibly pale (btw, in response to Emily's query, "what, are you going to adopt them or just have sex with Africans?" I chose the latter).
6) Although many claim that suicide bombers are a new and unknown threat, it turns out they have existed for millenia - bumblebees. Julia, Abraham and I had a fascinating discussion on this subject and this was the conclusion we came to because when bunblebees sting people, they die which prompted Julia to come up with the slogan, "bumblebees - the terrorists of the natural word" (we also had alot of fun invisioning a war between wasps and the poor bumblebees - seriously even if they defended themselves, they would die!).
Well there you have it, the epiphanys of my week in nutshell ( and as my title alludes to, no one ever said nutshells had to be small).
Au revoir mes amis,
Charlotte/Charli/Henrietta/Henri/Elizabeth
Well after that extremely long opening statement (most people keep them to about three words, but no, not Charli the ranter), I will now actually start talking about the topic for this post which is...drumroll please...my week. No, that's not particularly out of the ordinary and I know some may argue that it is not actually a 'topic' per se, but you see this week has been a very odd week. I have had a number of experiences that, whilst may not sound particularly exciting, actually had felt quite profound for me. Whilst I could probably right an entire I post on each of them, I decided to get my blog up to date by doing a Julia-esque counting sequence (so that everyone doesn't go to sleep), here are some random things which happened to me this week:
1) I learnt that playgrounds are extremely fun, but also extremely dangerous and put you into alot of what can only be labelled as 'compromising' positions.
2) I was actually misnamed, Charlotte's a lovely name and all, but it simply doesn't suit my personlity, instead I was destined to be called Henrietta, Henri for short (I am not claiming I particularly like this name, but you can't argue with the fates, even if your mother did). Seriously, even my middle name (Elizabeth for those who don't know) would suit me better than 'Charlotte'.
3) I have hands which give meaning to the phrase 'half octopus, half exotic flower' (this is according to Julia, but sadly I have to agree with her because this is the desciption of the very odd hands of one of Ingres' paintings, Jupiter and Thetis, and they look exactly like mine).
Thetis' hand:
My Hand:
4) Yoga is absolutely brilliant, but, like playgrounds, puts you into some very compromising positions that are also very painful but, unlike playgrounds, you get to meditate and eat free vegertarian food.
5) I am going to have African children to save them from pain of having to suffer through the childhood I had of being incredibly, incredibly pale (btw, in response to Emily's query, "what, are you going to adopt them or just have sex with Africans?" I chose the latter).
6) Although many claim that suicide bombers are a new and unknown threat, it turns out they have existed for millenia - bumblebees. Julia, Abraham and I had a fascinating discussion on this subject and this was the conclusion we came to because when bunblebees sting people, they die which prompted Julia to come up with the slogan, "bumblebees - the terrorists of the natural word" (we also had alot of fun invisioning a war between wasps and the poor bumblebees - seriously even if they defended themselves, they would die!).
Well there you have it, the epiphanys of my week in nutshell ( and as my title alludes to, no one ever said nutshells had to be small).
Au revoir mes amis,
Charlotte/Charli/Henrietta/Henri/Elizabeth
Friday, 6 October 2006
The Value Of Hindsight
Hey Everybdy (hi Dr Nick! - sorry, couldn't resist)
Well I thought I would update my blog before certain people (who don't update their blogs that regularly themselves) start bugging me to do so. Seeing as school starts in only three days I am trying not to think about my live right now (plus it's not that interesting) so today instead of divulging the secrets of my existence I will share with you an excerpt of Charlotte's Guide To Life (this actually does exist, it's a book Sarah gave me for my birthday and we are working on). These are from the Caution - You Have Been Warned Section (all learned from experience):
1)Never light a bonfire in a glass vessel.
2)Never attempt to remove things with chemicals in confined spaces.
3)Never toast marshmalow using the elements on the stove.
4)Never watch Titanic/Moulin Rouge with (non-waterproof) mascara...
.....which leads to...
5)Never wear waterproof makeup - it DOESN'T come off.
6)Never start a 2 month project at 7.30pm when it's due at 9.00am the next morning (that's Sarah's).
7)Never shave a man's legs.
8)If sleeping in a tent/caravan, go to the bathroom BEFORE you go to sleep.
Well that's it for now, I hope you have all learnt from my mistakes.
Love Charli
PS. if anyone can think of a book about another culture by an internationally acclaimed female author that can be read in three days, do tell me.
Well I thought I would update my blog before certain people (who don't update their blogs that regularly themselves) start bugging me to do so. Seeing as school starts in only three days I am trying not to think about my live right now (plus it's not that interesting) so today instead of divulging the secrets of my existence I will share with you an excerpt of Charlotte's Guide To Life (this actually does exist, it's a book Sarah gave me for my birthday and we are working on). These are from the Caution - You Have Been Warned Section (all learned from experience):
1)Never light a bonfire in a glass vessel.
2)Never attempt to remove things with chemicals in confined spaces.
3)Never toast marshmalow using the elements on the stove.
4)Never watch Titanic/Moulin Rouge with (non-waterproof) mascara...
.....which leads to...
5)Never wear waterproof makeup - it DOESN'T come off.
6)Never start a 2 month project at 7.30pm when it's due at 9.00am the next morning (that's Sarah's).
7)Never shave a man's legs.
8)If sleeping in a tent/caravan, go to the bathroom BEFORE you go to sleep.
Well that's it for now, I hope you have all learnt from my mistakes.
Love Charli
PS. if anyone can think of a book about another culture by an internationally acclaimed female author that can be read in three days, do tell me.
Monday, 2 October 2006
The Saga Of The Blank Wall
Hmmm, well, today (well tonight-no wait, today, it's 12am) I think I will write about about a nice mundane topic for a contrast (or juxtaposition for my English teacher). And it is, wait for it...my wall!
Yes, I know walls are generally not that interesting but that is in fact my point - my wall is the most boring wall imaginable. Seriously, it does not even have the stark boldness of being white, it is in fact an 'offwhite', which basically is a surburban technique of putting a tinge of yellow into white paint to make a room appear less 'cold' but really it just makes it feel like I am living in an icecream container that has jaundice.
Seeing as I have now had this room since I was eight (with the exception of a short stint in a bigger room when I was 12 and the room that I share with my sister at my dad's house - it's pink and purple) it would be reasonable for one to ask why I have not put something on the wall or (gasp) paint it! Well, the reason is, is that this is not actually my house (it's my stepdad's) but in the past week a huge revolution has occured which has resulted in massive reforms and the celebrating of Jelly Bean Girls the world over - I am allowed to use bluetack!
Enter the artistic Julia and a very rainy day stuck inside and voia! - two beautiful, highly accomplished paintings to embellish my walls, one entitled 'Fairyland', the other I have decided can be named nothing else but 'Random'. So the upshot of this is that my wall is now looking alot more exciting than before, but if you have any suggestions for more cool stuff to put up do tell my, there's plenty of space still to be decorated.
Before:
After:
Au revoir mes amis, vous devriez vraiment apprendre le francais!
Yes, I know walls are generally not that interesting but that is in fact my point - my wall is the most boring wall imaginable. Seriously, it does not even have the stark boldness of being white, it is in fact an 'offwhite', which basically is a surburban technique of putting a tinge of yellow into white paint to make a room appear less 'cold' but really it just makes it feel like I am living in an icecream container that has jaundice.
Seeing as I have now had this room since I was eight (with the exception of a short stint in a bigger room when I was 12 and the room that I share with my sister at my dad's house - it's pink and purple) it would be reasonable for one to ask why I have not put something on the wall or (gasp) paint it! Well, the reason is, is that this is not actually my house (it's my stepdad's) but in the past week a huge revolution has occured which has resulted in massive reforms and the celebrating of Jelly Bean Girls the world over - I am allowed to use bluetack!
Enter the artistic Julia and a very rainy day stuck inside and voia! - two beautiful, highly accomplished paintings to embellish my walls, one entitled 'Fairyland', the other I have decided can be named nothing else but 'Random'. So the upshot of this is that my wall is now looking alot more exciting than before, but if you have any suggestions for more cool stuff to put up do tell my, there's plenty of space still to be decorated.
Before:
After:
Au revoir mes amis, vous devriez vraiment apprendre le francais!
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